Joshua P. Simon - The Accidental Author

Sometimes you want to relive the fond memories of your youth. Sometimes this succeeds (Disney cartoons, Looney Tunes, Transformers…)

And sometimes it doesn’t (Voltron, He-Man, and now…

THE NEVERENDING STORY

Unlike Voltron which had a few redeeming qualities such as the ending fight scenes or He-Man which was at least funny in its awfulness, The Neverending Story was just downright depressing.

This was one of my favorite movies as a kid, one that I watched all the time on TV and had probably seen at least 2 dozen times. However, it had been over 20+ years and I thought it would be cool to take a walk down memory lane with my wife in the hopes of one day watching the movie with my kids.

Yeah, that’s likely not going to happen if I can help it.

Horrible acting, awful special effects, randomness of the scenes within the story, lack of plot cohesivness, over the top cheesiness, failed attempts to be smart and philosophical. It wasn’t supposed to be THAT bad.

I think I could have written a better script on the back of a single sheet of toilet paper.

Even the scenes I thought were cool as a kid, like Bastian flying the luck dragon at the end, were almost unbearable.

On a side note, I didn’t remember that “pep” talk from Major Dad at the beginning. Wow. “Hey son, I know you’re like 8 and are upset your mom just died, but you need to suck it up and be a man like me. Got it?”

Father. Of. The. Year.

Two weeks later and I’m still reeling from watching it. I’m not exposing my kids to this because if they do somehow like it, I don’t think I can keep watching it myself.

Sigh.